Simple and Clean
by Phoenix To Flame
Summary: Fuuma never expected that his interest and vampire Kamui would have such a sassy wife, but then again, he never expected that she would be sassy in all the pleasing ways possible. FuumaxKotorixKamui.


Based off of some crack dialogue I sent SawyerRaleigh on how Fuuma, Kamui and Kotori started a relationship after the end of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, and the fact that she didn't want to sully Kotori. I obviously, do not have that fear.

Hopefully not TOO out of character to stomach, or out of canon.

Although my CLAMP collection grows by the day, I don't own the creation of the materials myself.

Title really doesn't have much to do with the story other than being a silly call back to Kingdom Hearts and my X fanfic, going up at the same time as this one.

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><p>Fuuma was glad that this world he had just landed in wasn't dumping rain out of the skies on him like the previous one, and making it impossible for him to see through the heavens-cursed water on his glass. He was also glad that he appeared to have landed <em>inside<em> a building instead of outside it for once and thus not subjected to immediate weird looks from the inhabitants of this world for his unusual clothes and state of bedraggled dampness.

In fact, he was standing in a ridiculously well-kept hallway with ridiculously ornate carpets and ridiculously sized windows with sunlight being filtered through many shades of stained glass. Taking his glasses off to shake the rain onto the fine-patterned rug, he replaced them to try to gauge what kind of world he had landed in.

Obviously a rich man's home, wealthy perhaps to the point of being heralded as nobility. The stone that made up the outer wall was a deep gray and solid, and well held together. The wood of the inner wall was polished to the sheen of glass, and held a vague imitation of his reflection in it. The carpet felt very thick under his feet and held a vast array of colors within its threads. The hallways stretched out a full ten feet in both directions from him and doors broke the pattern of the wood, spaced out from the doorway to the window seat at the back.

Ahead of him, one of the doors opened and let out a woman in a long black dress, hair pulled far away from her face and a beautific smile on her face. She stumbled down the hall and was melt by a man who caught her as she swoon and put a thick cloth to the blood that ran down her neck, lifting her up and carrying her out of sight of the hallway. Fuuma remembered that kind of smile, he'd seen it on one person who had been attacked by a very handsome vampire that he had happened to be chasing through the worlds as well as performing errands for a certain Dimension Witch that opened the doors for him. It was the smile of someone who had _very _recently been fed off of, and was still flying on the rush of pleasure from the bite.

There was one of Kamui's kind on this world, or perhaps this was where he came from. Fuuma let his lips curl up into a pleased grin, it would be fun to mess with Kamui's head again if that was at all possible.

Walking forwards and leaving a veritable pool of water that had run off his clothes in the time he stood in one spot, he moved towards the open door that the woman had left through, intending to snoop just a little, and was stopped in his tracks as another woman walked out of the room, undoing the binds on her hair until it tumbled past her waist in golden waves.

She turned and met his startled eyes with her own calm ones. "Hello."

Fuuma checked his surprise and favored her with a smile not unlike the one he gave Kamui every time they crossed paths. "Good day to you, young lady. It is always a pleasure to see a beauty like you when traveling the worlds."

The girl brought up a gloved hand to her mouth to cover a delicate giggle. "Nice to meet you too, wet sir." Turning back towards the room she vacated, she made a commanding gesture to someone within. "Bring me a thick towel please? We have a guest who has just arrived and is soaking wet. I would appreciate him not losing his health to pneumonia or some other illness commonly found in prolonged dampness."

Whoever was in the room obviously scampered off at her word to do her bidding, and Fuuma found himself admiring the kind strength that her words held. That, and the fact that the soft blue of her long skirts was a good match for her, leaving her both dignified and doll-like. "Thank you, my lady." He said quite honestly. It was quite unusual that his intruding on another's home was met with that level of nobility and kindness.

She smiled again, and accepted the towel that she was handed from the room. She passed it to him, watching as he set to mopping the water out of his hair. "Have you been through many worlds?" She asked with a curiosity and excitement to her words.

Fuuma looked at her with one golden eye. "Hundreds. I don't know how many now." He settled to attempting to press more of the water out of his clothes, secretly admiring the way that water seemed to just vanish into the fabric and remain just as dry.

She clapped her hands together in a statement of joy. "How wonderful! I wish I could travel the worlds, like my husband and his siblings." The happiness seemed to drain away faintly with her hands, clasped at waist level in a universal symbol of dismay. "But my health is not good enough to justify leaving this castle and the _É_ within. My husband would be in great distress if I chose to leave."

Fuuma lifted an eyebrow at her as he folded the parched fabric in his hands, much dryer than he had been. He was pretty sure he knew that character. "_É_?"

The lady nodded. "Food, sustenance, easy prey. I cannot hunt as well as he can and must feed from those who have been born for such a purpose."

That confirmed the suspicion brought up in her words. "You're a vampire." He stated flatly.

She nodded in quiet dignity. "And you are a hunter of lost treasures with no intent to harm or distress me, only a strong curiosity. I can sense it as clearly as I can sense my husband coming."

Fuuma glanced up at the door at the end of the hall, as the lady moved to greet whoever was there. He heard nothing more than a greeting on her part before he saw a blur of black and narrowly dodged the claws aimed for his neck. Stumbling slightly on the thick carpet, he met furious violet eyes and immediately smiled brightly. "Hello Kamui-kun."

The source of his desire to find this world snarled at him, shreds of velvet gloves still clinging to his hands as he pointed the foot-long talons extending from his nails at Fuuma. "You bastard, haven't you been foul enough every _other _time I've had the misfortune of running across you?"

Fuuma twisted the brightness of his smile towards a flirtatious edge. "I had no idea you missed me so much. I was merely seeking a world where I was not being drenched with every step."

The girl ran to Kamui's side as the vampire snarled, violet drained away into a flat gold like Fuuma's own. "Kamui, do not hurt him! He has done nothing to me." At her touch, Fuuma noticed Kamui making an obvious effort to not run forward and skewer him, and looked at the girl with golden hair with a combination of both thanks and a little jealousy. And quite a bit of confusion, he realized.

Kamui let out a hissing breath. "He is scum and foul intentions all wrapped up in a package that cannot keep his hands off of anything he deems interesting. There is nothing good about him."

Fuuma was never one to resist an opportunity to flirt. "You don't mean that, do you Kamui-kun?"

The vampire snarled in anger. "Go. Away. Now. Preferably never darken a hallway in my _world _again."

The girl chastised him with a quiet word to his apparent embarrassment, and he added on a muttered "please." to that little speech.

Fuuma ignored the subtle like a brick to his head implication to leave and smiled disarmingly at the girl clinging to his vampire. "Who is this pretty young lady clinging to you, Kamui-kun? We have not had the pleasure of meeting before."

The girl smiled at him, a quick one before looking at Kamui. "He's the one who you were complaining about! The one who you wouldn't stop talking about for hours!"

Kamui scowled. "Kotori...we do not speak of him, not in a manner rating him any higher than discarded food."

The girl ignored him, turning to look at Fuuma with a bright smile and very vivid golden eyes without the slit pupils of an angry vampire. "He speaks much higher of you when he's in a good mood, don't worry. I'm Kotori, and I've been married to him for the last seventy eight years, but I wouldn't mind sharing him with _you._ Not if it makes him happy."

Fuuma found himself taken completely speechless by her sudden shift of personality into such a...kind girl. He liked her, quite a bit. And he smiled at her with absolutely no deception of his opinion of her to her sudden and charming blush. "You are quite the interesting maiden, Lady Kotori. I have never met such an intriguing woman as you. I am honored that you consider me good enough for your husband."

Most of his sentence was for honestly flirting with her, the rest of it was to see the way that Kamui reacted. The vampire's response was to glare at him with (thankfully) violet eyes and wrap an arm around her thin waist protectively and possessively. "Fuuma..." he growled, the sound more dangerous than usual.

Kotori giggled and blushed. "He spent _hours_ talking about you, and only a little bit of it was angry. And you seem like a good person to me. You wouldn't steal him forever and leave me alone."

Fuuma took no heed of the stunned Kamui and continued talking to the _enchanting_ girl next to him. "Of course not, a lovely girl such as you should not be left alone while your husband spends all of his time hopping worlds with other people."

Kamui attempted to pull Kotori behind him, a fact not helped by the fact that she was obviously digging her heels into the ground and the fact that he seemed unable to take his eyes off of Fuuma. Fuuma for his part could not stop the utterly flattered grin from taking over his face at her bright smile. "Fuuma..." Kamui hissed for lack of success in moving the girl, "leave my wife _alone._"

"But I haven't done anything to her other than simply hold a pleasant conversation." Fuuma chirped at him. Then, to Kotori's continued muffled laughter, he affected a sorrowful face and placed a hand over his heart. "And when were you planning to tell me you were married? You strung me along for so long and never told me about this. My heart _hurts _for the lies you told me."

Kotori stifled a shriek of laughter as Kamui's face lit up violent pink and he abruptly stopped pushing her away from Fuuma. "I-I-I did no s-such thing!" He stammered, composure completely destroyed. Fuuma only smiled in the manner he did to infuriate Kamui, and by the way that his face grew brighter, if at all possible, only proved that he was flustered beyond belief. The vampire turned away and hid his face in Kotori's shoulder to Fuuma's delight. "Kotori, please stop laughing." he heard him _whine._

This was all too delightful to end, and Kotori's exhilarated grin agreed with him. "You never said he was this charming, to make you this embarrassed." She drew Kamui's head out of the crook of her neck and pressed her lips briefly to his forehead in a gesture of love. "He's good for you."

While Kamui was attempting to stutter out a denial of this fact, Kotori floated over to clasp hands with Fuuma. "You are very amusing and flattering Fuuma-sama. You should stay here in the castle with us."

Kamui's head shot up from its hung position with an expression of comical horror on his face. "What? Kotori!"

The girl actually _smirked_ at him, amusement filling every ounce of her whole bearing. "I like him, and you know that no one would say know should we both state that this is our desire." Turning back to Fuuma, she looked at him with warm amber eyes. "And I would love it if you stayed with us. The days would no longer be so tedious and repetitive." She giggled a little. "And seeing Kamui in such disarray is lovely."

Fuuma took the time to wholly milk this dream come true, kneeling down and pressing his lips to her gloved fingers. "I would love to stop my journeys and stay here, the honor is all mine, lovely maiden. And I must say, your laughter is as charming as his blush."

Kamui looked about ready to either have an apoplexy or faint from the combined efforts of his wife and (somewhat) unwanted suitor taking to each other like birds of a feather.

Kotori blushed too, a much more contained pink outlining her cheekbones. "Thank you, Fuuma-sama." She gently pulled at his hands with hers, effectively rising him to his feet. Then she took a startling amount of initiative considering that they had only met a short while before and pressed her lips to his cheek. "I am most honored by your agreement."

Fuuma looked at the other vampire, who had appeared to have mostly just given up even attempting to control the situation. "Are you not happy with this, Kamui-kun? After all, Kotori-chan did say that both of your desires were needed to make this a non-issue." He still didn't release his gentle hold on the girl's hands.

Kamui looked very defeated, head hung low and a blush still staining his pale cheeks. "..if Kotori wishes it.." he mumbled.

Kotori looked at him, hair sliding over her shoulders in an almost saucy flounce. "I'm sorry Kamui, but I'm afraid I didn't understand you." Then she _winked_ at Fuuma and he knew he was going to be the luckiest man that ever lived.  
>Kamui lifted his head and avoided making eye contact with either of them. "...I said if you wish it Kotori." His voice was only slightly louder than before.<p>

Kotori frowned at him in apparent frustration with his (admittedly poor) attempt of saying he was okay with it, but Fuuma let go of one of her hands to raise a finger to his lips, and quickly walked them both over to grab Kamui in a slightly odd embrace between the two of them.

Kamui squawked in surprise, but didn't struggle. Fuuma smiled again at Kotori. "It's alright. I know he means that this is the deepest, darkest, wildest dream he's ever dared to dream and that he'd be delighted to welcome me to your house, your family and your bed."

They both ignored the cry of _"That's not it at all!" _and Kotori grasped his hand tighter before regretfully letting go, leaving a mortified Kamui in Fuuma's arms.

Fuuma raised an eyebrow at her and she lifted both of hers back at him. "What? I'm simply off to inform the staff that we'll have an addition to our bedchamber and to adjust the space accordingly."

Fuuma smiled in understanding and flicked his fingers in a farewell wave. Kamui struggled weakly in his arms, more a pretense than anything else. "Don't leave me alone Kotori, please!"

Kotori walked back with a grin, to kiss the back of his neck before leaving again. "Also, Fuuma-sama!" she called over her shoulder as she reached the doorway, "You'll need fitting for more suitable clothing for associating with vampiric nobility if you're staying here."

Fuuma nodded to her, and she left, blue dress and golden hair trailing behind. Kamui pretty much gave up on whatever resistance he had left and mostly just lay limply in Fuuma's arms. Fuuma smirked at the head of black hair right underneath his chin. "You have the most astounding wife in all the worlds I've ever been to, you are a truly lucky man."

"Shut up Fuuma." was the mumbled retort from somewhere in his chest, and Fuuma chuckled to himself.

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><p>Too ridiculous? Let me know what you thought!<p> 


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